The Indian Honeymoon Abroad

Honeymoon for the new Indian marrying kinds have become an equally pressurizing prospect. Along with marriage now they also have the honeymoon to add to their ever increasing fears and budgets. Marriages are decided basis how much money there is to go for their honeymoon. 

The reason why I point this is out because there is an increasing pressure on couples today specially the urban youth to go abroad in their honeymoon. If you don't go abroad then people judge you in every way from your financial status to how uncool you could be because you didn't go abroad. It's become a given and so the couples also don't think beyond as honeymoon has started being defined as a trip abroad. Not sure where and when this pressure actually started popping in but now it seems like a very given trend. Tourism ads now target people with honeymoon travelling. While i have nothing against going abroad for your honeymoon but i do have a problem with the increasing mindset of honeymoon being equated with only travelling abroad. There are so many places in India that one can visit and have a superb trip but we seem to be undermining the capabilities of our very diverse country with being able to provide any form of respite to the honeymooning couples.

I remember when i was getting married people would ask me where am I going for honeymoon and when i would say North East India - the reactions would vary from WOW! that's different to why the hell would you travel within India? Honeymoon is your one chance to go abroad. It would amaze me, both the reactions. Why is it so difficult to think you can travel within the country and still have a great honeymoon. More than that why is it even wow and different? when did it become a given norm that you had to travel abroad. 

While we were also one of the couples who were under tremendous pressure of wanting to figure out a destination abroad, finally thanks to our parents suggestion decided on going to the North East. For me it was a nostalgia trip down childhood memory lane and for Russell it was a great experience in the pristine beauty of north east which he would have never taken out the time for otherwise. Meghalaya, Assam and Arunachal - a 15 day trip through mountains, jungles, snow, rain, winters - it was every bit worth it. And it also gave me an opportunity to show my husband where i grew up and get him face to face with every childhood memory of mine.

Our idea of honeymoon should be to create memories which will last us a lifetime, do things which would not please the world but would please us and maybe sometimes be a little different from the typical and run of the mill. After all its our honeymoon and not the world's honeymoon. 

Mixed marriages - the rising trend

This generation is increasingly opening up to mixed marriages parents including. Every second friend that i have is making their own choices about their partners and in 8 out of 10 cases it is people people from two different backgrounds coming together. While its not a new trend but i do feel the trend is getting an increasing acceptance.

There are more and more women working and going beyond the confines of just education and their houses therefore the chances of a couple meeting through friends, at work is a lot higher today than earlier. While there is an equal amount of arranged marriages still happening but even that has changed its basic face. My parents got married after proposals between families were exchanged and they had never even met each other till they got married. Nothing surprising i would say for their time but today even arranged marriages have become more of a way of getting help in finding a partner rather than the age old trend of families fixing up the marriage. Couples meet each other through family and then they do have a courtship period before they plunge into marriage. Also there is an increasing trend of mixed marriages even when they are arranged thanks to the various websites like Bharat matrimony, etc where parents are now looking more and more for suitable partners rather than base the decision on pure caste, creed, religion, etc.

These marriages do come with their bit of excitements and problems. Parents do go through their rigors of doubt and issues initially, most do come around and accept none the less. For others its a little long winding the whole convincing parents round. Mixed marriages brings the newness in a couples life where in they have a lot to explore from a different culture, region and sometimes even religion. While this is exciting it can also get taxing sometimes because two people from such different backgrounds do take time to adjust to the complete newness in everything from exploring new languages, food habits, lifestyle, culture and more.

Mixed marriages can also bring about a mixture of added expenditure or none. While some have double fold expenses because both the families would expect them to get married in 10 different ways in 10 different places. Some like me go through the quicker route of a simple court marriage (which by the way also helps you avoid the gazillion rituals, they actually make you question as to why are you even getting married in the first place to go through this torture). These marriages are increasingly opening the door for the next generation who would hopefully be brought up with a broader mind set and therefore be more tolerant.

A good mix of happiness and confusion.

walkathon

Walking around town is probably one of the best ways to truly get to know your city, its people and the varied images a city has to offer to you. But most of us end up being plain simple lazy and will almost always prefer a cab or auto for the shortest of the distances.

To me it always comes with great effort to be able to walk and so it also shows on my health :) Not that my husband is of any help either. We are made for each other when it comes to this one aspect. So it was a pleasant change last month while on our trip to Delhi when we chose walking, bus rides and Metro rides over cabs to travel from Noida to any place around.

Of course till last year the fact that Delhi's local transport is so sad didn't help in the matter and living in Noida with parents and travelling to other parts of Delhi would just seem like a Mount Everest climb. The metro has finally connected the NCR quiet well and so we took up to buses and Metro this winter to explore around the city. Bus rides to Dilli Haat, Metro Rides to Rajiv Chowk and each day with an agenda of walking around Rajiv Chounk became our game. We walked all around CP, walked through Janpath, India Gate, Jantar Mantar over days. Sitting in Central Park and enjoying the winter. It relaxed us, made us have more conversations, think more, observe more.

The trip was a welcome change from the monotony and made me realize how much have i been missing all this while in the name of comfort (an idea just in my head) and laziness.

Taxi drivers and their stories

For the past 10+ years Mumbai has been a city of discovery for me more than anything else. This city has so many different shades to it that it would take you forever to even get to understand or know all the shades. The variety of people, conversations, and the cities warmth towards strangers, all of these are part of this whole colour scheme.

The numerous rides that I have taken in the Mumbai cabs have also been an experience and adventure in its own sense. So I thought of accounting a few stories that come to my mind of the various cab drivers I have met in this journey and the aspects about this city these conversations highlight –

• The city of rise and fall – So I met this cabby once who got chatting with Russell (husband) and me. I don’t remember what started the conversation but it eventually led towards how educated both of us were and what we were doing currently. Having answered that the cabby told us that even he had studied till the age of 10 in Bombay Scottish (one of the premier schools in Mumbai) but due to unforeseen circumstances that his family had to go through he couldn’t continue any further. The name of Bombay Scottish got me inquisitive because the idea didn’t somehow fit in my head. So I asked further and so he started telling me as to how his family was originally from UP and that his father was a very well to do business man but their business partner ended up cheating his father and one fine day they were suddenly on the road and so they all went back to their hometown in UP and started from scratch. The reason therefore behind Bombay Scottish and then his current occupation of a cab driver. He further continued to harp on the importance of education and so what if he didn’t manage it in his life but he has ensured that both his son and daughter have gotten educated. His son was a practicing lawyer in UP now and his daughter was studying in Delhi University. The whole story somehow seemed to be straight out of a Bollywood movie but I believed him. We reached our destination and we bid farewell but the story stayed in my mind. Russell refused to believe him and maintained that he must just be making up stories but something about the cab driver made me want to believe his story. It only brought about the numerous Mumbai stories out yet again which wouldn’t cease to amaze you.

• 26/11, Islam and the wrath that Muslims had to suffer – This was about a month or so from the 26/11 attacks, again a cab ride home from work in the evening. A Muslim gentleman driving the cab. He got talking about the latest horror story of Mumbai the 26/11 attacks and how horrendous they were. About how it was so unfortunate that for some miscreants who in the name of god and religion slaughter people and an entire community or faith gets questioned. He told me unfortunately he felt victimized because of those people (terrorists). That people would always look at him suspiciously after the gruesome event because he wore the Muslim cap, wore a kurta and pyjama. He didn’t blame the public for treating him like that but the terrorists who had ensured that people would question him. He told me that even educated men and women would lose their head if it came to their lives and which god tells you to kill the very beings he has created. He told me that the terrorists killed more Muslims than any other community in VT station as it’s a more Muslim dominated area. The very people who fight for Islam kill their own people. Do they think people are stupid that they would buy their logic. He felt ashamed at the fact that few people had given such a bad name to his faith which never spoke about killing or against any other faith. His best friend was a waiter in Leopold café and was a victim of the terror attack that night. He said he was supporting his friends’ family now as they had no other earning member. He said he only wished that by having such conversations with educated people like me he would try and make the general public realize to not ostracize an entire community in the name of such acts as there was no difference between them and anyone else. We are all children of God.

• Girls, their short skirts and therefore the crime they invite – This by far remains one of the most shocking stories and conversations for me. I was returning home one of those late nights from office. And we cross Todi Mills. Young men and women were waiting to head home after Blue Frog shuts down. The taxi driver goes ‘Tch..Tch.. these rich girls. I don’t get why do they wear such clothes and walk around.’ Obviously making me question him instantly as to why would he say something like that. So he goes these things invite all sorts of crime and why don’t they understand its better to avoid bad things than invite them. So the argument continued and so he told me that he would tell me a story that he hasn’t told many people. Apparently one day he was driving late in the night and some drunken men stopped his cab to go to Malad. Mid way they saw a girl walking on the road. He said very decent girl in normal jeans and shirt but they were drunk and they asked me to stop the cab. He refused to stop the cab because he realized their intentions but they finally managed to force him to stop the cab as they were three and he was one and he said he got scared as they had a knife. They pulled the girl into the cab and in his words did very bad things to her. He said that he prayed that there would be a police check point on the way since it was a weekend and he could stop over there but unfortunately there was none and so once they were done they opened door and dumped the girl on the road. She was unconscious and lying on the road. He finally dropped them to Malad and rushed back to the place where they had dropped the girl. But she wasn’t there. He says he doesn’t know what happened to her and till date he wished he had more strength to stand for her and not get scared and selfish for his life and not let what happened happen. He would be guilt ridden all his life and could never forgive himself but only wished that god would someday give him an opportunity to redeem himself from this guilt. And so he concluded by saying so see this is why I felt the way I did when I saw those women in those clothes. I reached home and the argument now turned into a shocking story had to come to an end. I still think of that story and a shiver runs down my spine.

Many more such conversations have happened and continue to happen and it only makes me more aware of the world around me. The conversations range from rich vs poor, politics, education, environment to million other topics. It only helps to get a perspective beyond just yours and is also quiet an experience J

Of mothers and fathers

Mine has been a life of immense dependence upon these two people. Both have been my pillar of strength at every point in my life. Today I sit and I wonder what would life even be without them and it just seems like a blank page I cannot fill.

I have always had a very balanced relationship with both my parents never favouring one over the other. They both bring in my life a sense of balance in different ways. My mother is an epitome of grit, confidence, fighting spirit and maturity. My father is an epitome of love, of moving with times, of balance and of understanding. I don’t know what it is like to have parents who don’t understand.

With my mother I share everything on this planet, we giggle, we laugh, we gossip, we share stories, we fight and we say sorry and make up. It’s like having the best girl friend you could have. My father for me has always been the formidable picture of strength, whenever I am down and out in life and feel under confident about anything I write to him and he writes back with the most heartwarming words that give me another push to keep moving. While there are lots of things we joke about but somehow when it comes to serious things like sharing my heart out I am more comfortable mailing my father rather than talking to him. And we both somehow have realized that we express better in writing than while talking to each other. We also have been gaming partners and so as a kid whether it’s playing outside or playing board games at home he has been always around. After growing up the board games continued but we have added conversations about movies, more importantly sharing books with each other.

From childhood to now, every decision that I have taken has been welcomed by my parents in the most mature manner possible, so every choice that I have made has only taught me to gauge the right and the wrong in those decisions that I have taken enabling me to take better decisions the next time around. The various landmarks decisions of my life - 

• Moving to Bombay instead of Delhi for further studies,
• Not forcing me to live in the Girls Hostel in my college, instead going by my choice of living in a girls hostel which had girls from different colleges and streams in Mumbai as they felt that it would only help enhance my exposure rather than restrict me to one college one world.
• Taking up Arts as a stream of education in undergrad,
• Enrolling into MBA coaching classes and quitting them in a week after having realized that it wasn’t meant for me. The fact that my dad had paid 15000 bucks for me to enroll in these classes made me guilty but he ensured I didn’t pursue something I didn’t like just because he had spent so much. He told me ‘look at it this way – maybe all this money was required to be spent for you to realize this is not it, so what next figure that out’.
• Graduating and only being clear about the fact that I wanted to do Advertising and having applied to just one college XIC Mumbai. And if that didn’t work out then look for work and then do my post grad after some work ex. My parents only helped me to try and figure as many contacts they had sitting far away in the state of Assam so that in case the college didn’t work out then I had some entry points into the Media industry.
• The very first time I informed them about smoking, it went down very smoothly as both my parents said trying things don’t harm you as long as you realize that these are not habits you got to keep around yourself for too long. Of course they did not approve of the habit but they did not bring the roof down as they knew that doing that would only invite more rebellion or lies from me. So they’d rather know and guide me out of it than be completely clueless.
• Working in the organizations I wanted to, quitting when I didn’t feel it was right anymore never made them question my decisions. They would only ask me the reason why and leave it to me to figure the rest.
• Choosing the Boy I wanted to end up with. I still remember the first time I mailed my dad about Russell my husband; I had also attached a picture of him. Funny enough the query that came back from him was not about his family, background, education, religion, etc. but a one line that said ‘Oh so he wears glasses, God your kids are going to be blind at this rate’. It just completely busted all the nervousness I had about this whole thing and I then knew that it was upon me to embark on a journey of discovering the relationship and deciding for myself as to what it was going to be like for life.

These are few of the million instances in that they have surprised me in many ways. They have always made me understand the importance of the bond that a family needs to create in order to create a healthy environment and upbringing of children. Free to discuss, Free to Question, Free to learn and Free to challenge the norm has been the way as long as it only enhanced you as a person and taught you to face life with every determination you have in yourself. They have taught me that eventually when I reach a point in life where I have to carry their role forward with my kids, its more important to understand rather than influence, more important to let go rather than hang on, more important to keep moving rather than get stuck in time.

More than anything else they have made me the person I am today and they have only helped me face the world and life with utmost zest and without questioning the why’s and how’s instead taking all of it in my stride and only making the best of it.

Work Life Balance? What is that?

In the last few days i have had many a conversations with my friends about this very subject. Everybody seems to be in this questioning phase where they are not sure what they are doing with their lives. It seems like a JOB to go for their JOBS but its got to be done. Go to office come back home and the cycle continues. Weekend is the only time you have to yourself but there are so many things to do that it feels like Mondays are right after Fridays and there never was a Saturday and a Sunday.

What is it that makes us so full of our way of lives but it still keeps us going on with it? As far as Mumbai is concerned i also blame the way of life in the city that eventually takes a toll on you. Because there is so much opportunity available to us here we end up coming to this city and then this very opportunity makes sure we don't have an opportunity for anything else. Dreams turn into work place ambitions and nothing more. We are struggling to survive one day after the other. The city doesn't make it easier. Rents are sky high and so an average person would be living miles away from their work travelling everyday for hours and so by the end of the day is left with no more time than enough to probably watch TV and go off to sleep. Also because everything is so expensive you can barely afford any form of leisure like clubs and sports which in smaller towns and cities we take for granted. Therefore the idea of leisure is watching a movie, going out for dinners and sitting by the stinky seaside, the vast expanse of which only makes you feel more lost and gets you thinking. 'Change your lifestyle' is the first advice any doctor will give you in this city but how do you do that? while there are million books and people to advice you to go a certain way to change it all but the 24 hour day (more like 12 hours) seems to give you the ultimate test of will to even start somewhere. I don't say we can't do it. of course we can but the quality of life will always make you question every step in time and put you a step back as you tend to end up spending more time in thinking whys than doing the hows.

My decision to quit my job a few months back also came from a similar phase of questioning the purpose of life, finding time for myself, looking after my health which was as good as non existent. I wonder sometimes in the race of ambitions we forget our basic dreams, basic emotion of happiness, we feel loaded and it really does and will take a lot for each one of us to come out of it, be happy and still be doing our thing.

I am not sure about other cities as i can only talk from my experience of living in the city of dreams - Mumbai. Ironically the very dream one comes to this city with seems to fade away without the slightest hint of realization on their part. I know that this post seems a little on the negative side but honestly i am just writing this post as it has increasingly been a question in my mind.

Off late i have personally decided to try and increase my happiness quotient and that by just being happy, by not getting bothered and affected by way of life or what i have right now, it could probably make things a lot easier to deal with. While i have it and i am in it, the idea i feel should be to try and enjoy in whatever way you can because by cribbing about life we don't really change anything but only feel more and more miserable about everything about us and around us. Maybe something as small as using smilies :) could just help one change their mood :) and little more conversations with family and friends just helps you keep your calm and understand situations of life better.

The break i have taken has definitely helped in many ways, and i feel everyone should definitely make it a point to utilize all their leaves in a year (which a lot of people to my surprise don't) if not necessarily take a break from working all together. As any form of break only helps you relax and put a perspective to things and we can start afresh every time.